Kelly: ESPN reporters tell their tales - if only ours were this good
by Cathal (never heard of a name like Cathal) Kelly
“Shy egomaniacs” by Cathal Kelly
Logline: Decent writing and collegiality may earn you the respect of your peers. The ability to avoid a foot pursuit without ditching your laptop can transport you into legend.
This script writes itself: Just have to work in a little boy who believes in the protagonist and an ex-wife with a change of heart. BAM blockbuster time!
Opening scene: "I was so drunk that I ...."
Sc. 1: Walks out of the press box during the World Series to get a hot dog, but forgets his press credentials (cause he's drunk) and has to finish his report from the parking lot.
Sc. 2: He is so drunk he throws up all over the typewriter of the guy beside him, who responds: "If that's literary criticism, I don't appreciate it."
Sc. 3: He is so drunk, he has to call a colleague to figure out what city he's in.
Sc. 4: He is so drunk he starts a fist fight over the national anthem.
Sc. 5: He is so drunk, he steps on an ice cube on the dance floor, and does the splits, and becomes a bar hero. Then covers spring training with a double groin pull.
Sc. 6: He is so drunk, he passes out on press row during the big game. A competing writer takes mercy and writes his own article, and then a second for the unconscious colleague. The unconscious colleague wins an award for his version of the article - and accepts the award.
Sc. 7: He is so drunk he pees into a towel, and throws it at the interns.
Sc. 8: He is so drunk he flips out at the suggestion of flying coach, and calls up Disney to borrow the corporate jet to get to their kids' Little League game.
Sc. 9: He is so drunk he uses the company apartment to form an inter-office prostitution ring, to fund cocaine habit.
Sc. 10: He is so drunk he signs a confidentiality agreement to say he never slept with Tiger Woods.